Reconnecting at Christmas

Health warning! 

Before you start reading this edition of the 2macs blog, please bear in mind that I am as much talking to myself. It may be a shock to hear but I am not always 100% “on it” and in full listening mode with full patience activated! Who knew…so here goes.

Christmas…a lovely time to catch up with nearest and dearest, spending quality time checking in with each other and getting support on the stresses and strains of the year or even just the past few days.

But hold on…it is also the time when we groove into home life after being “peopled out” at work and settle into the habits of talking over the top of each other, starting sentences with “I tell you what you should do” and generally cut loose on any of the careful language that you use at work.

I’ve spent a bit of time this year working more intently on a set of principles proposed by the educationalist Nancy Kline. Her ten components make up The Thinking Environment which are the conditions which are most likely to allow that complex machine, the brain, to relax and work through challenges, blockages, assumptions and unhelpful emotions.

What’s the link? After practicing more diligently this year, I’ve upped my game in applying the practice in my coaching but also that they work equally brilliantly at home.  

So, my Christmas letter to you and me is this: 

·  Among the turkey, carve out spaces to give uninterrupted attention: in the coaching seat this is a cornerstone of a good session and allows people to get the venting “first version” out of the way before moving on to “actually what really is at the heart of it...”. At home we interrupt ALL THE TIME. With advice or “yeah me too” and by simply being distracted with chores or the dreaded bloody phone. Let someone talk, that’s it, no more grand aim other than to give attention. Slow things down and provide another component which is ease. The chores can wait and who cares if the dishes aren’t done anyway.

· Use “rounds”: when facilitating groups at work, this is done purposefully and with discipline to ensure everyone has an equal turn to speak. At home this  could feel quite odd, but I am minded of our family Room 101 games round the table one year when I think we found out a lot more about each other! One of the other principles is to embrace difference – I am saying no more about our family revelations! Give it a try or be observant and act if you find you are doing all the talking!

·  We’ve done four so far and I am not going to wade through all 10, but will mention one more – appreciation. At work, it is additive to appreciate the efforts people make, value the work and to notice the good things that are being done, even if the results are not 100% achieved. Christmas at home can be a striving zone of the perfect so it’s worth looking for what is good, what is fun, what is nice – and saying it. Who cares if you forget something (I usually find something left over in the fridge that should have been on the already heavily laden table but who cares. 

Just a quick check that I am saying all this to myself and not nagging you! But worth a pause at this busy time and easing us in to a nice festive space with the real things that matter – our home gang.

Have a lovely time and let me know how you get on!

After a year of training, study and practice Audrey is the 2macs resident Thinking Environment coach and facilitator: audrey@2macs.com